If you make excuses, you are to blame. Don't make excuses, it weakens you

Olga ORLOVA

Don't make excuses, it weakens you!

We can all be wrong. Making mistakes. Doing stupid things. We offend. We admit miscalculations, but you have to understand the first time. Since doing it, then it’s right. Be smart. Be aware of the interests of others. Measure seven times and cut once.

Does not work. If, of course, you are a living person. How to behave when you made a mistake? Admit your mistake. Apologize. To live on. It's simple.

In everyday life, another strategy is widespread: to dodge for a long time, to admit your mistake with a creak, to apologize through clenched teeth, to make excuses for a long time, in the end - to make everyone around you guilty, but not yourself.

The lower the self-esteem of a person, the more passionate and persistent he implements this strategy. And why? Because he believes that if you choose the right excuses, then he will be "not at all to blame." Because he thinks that a good person is never wrong. And he really wants to be a good person.

The easiest way to be “good” is to find the bad one in time - the one who prevents him from manifesting his true, spotless, unblemished ideal essence.

Who are our "bad guys" today? My wife does not understand me, the bosses humiliate me, the children do not obey, the husband does not love, the parents get it out, the transport is late, the alarm clock breaks, the doctors do not treat, the neighbors are noisy, gasoline runs out, health deteriorates. Do not misunderstand me, I am not to blame.

Don't make excuses.

“I was late, sorry, I just went to bed late yesterday, there was a lot of work, several business calls in the morning, you know what an emergency we have now, everything is as always at the last minute, is it really possible to do something on time - eternal rush…"

"I'm late, please excuse me."

Did you notice the difference?

Don't make excuses. Excuses make you a victim of circumstance and take away your vitality. You yourself begin to perceive yourself as a small fry in the deep river of human relations. You lose self-esteem and self-confidence. You lose the trust of other people because you fuss a lot around yourself and constantly defend yourself. You are not wrong - you are learning and that is your strength.

Be open and honest. Life is learning. You would never be wrong if you knew how it would end. Only life is arranged in such a way that no business begins with one hundred percent certainty that it will work out. So be open to your experiences and honestly admit if something doesn't work out.

This strategy of dealing with failure will allow you to psychologically complete the event:

You will draw conclusions and take them into account in the future, without exhausting yourself with fruitless feelings of guilt.

It will strengthen your personality - because by admitting your guilt, rather than blaming others, you act like a good person.

This will strengthen your self-esteem - because you only recognize your specific actions as wrong, but not your whole existence.

The next time you find yourself making excuses, stop and hold back. And you will feel more personal power, even if you hear a lot of unpleasant things about yourself. Hold back. Let people express their attitude towards you if they want to, and take it courageously. Hold back. Draw conclusions and keep living.

Basically, it's better never to make excuses. If you justify yourself, you are guilty a priori. When someone reproaches you for something, the best answer is to silently turn around and leave. Discussions are unlikely to help here either. Remember this is your life. And since only you are responsible for it, then it is up to you to decide what to do in different situations. So, when are you sure you don't have to report to anyone?

1. Life situation

Many "good" people for "your own good" can reproach you that, for example, having gray hair, you still do not have your own home or family. In general, it is blasphemous when they give valuable instructions if you have no children. But in principle, there are as many life situations as there are people. And only you understand the reasons for your actions in different situations. Nobody is in your place.

2. Priorities in life

We all have our own values in life, our aspirations, our goals, our priorities, our dreams. Only you know what to put in the first place at the moment. Many are accustomed to imposing their priorities on others. Sometimes it's just a cliché. For example, you often hear that “children are the main thing, and only they should be in the forefront, the rest is not important” and so on. In the end, it can hurt other people's feelings. After all, if there are no children, then it turns out that there is nothing "main" in the life of these people.

3. To ask for forgiveness or not?

For many, this is not a question at all. A former friend of mine never asked anyone for forgiveness. Offended - not offended, he doesn't care. But if a person does not have a sense of guilt, then he himself will not understand why he should ask for forgiveness! On the other hand, apologizing too hasty can be interpreted as the person's desire to quickly unhook from you. Therefore, if you do not feel guilty, it is better not to apologize. A banal apology does not come from the heart, then what's the point?

4. When you want to be alone

Basically, we are, or are forced to be in society. Most of them. But there are people who are also comfortable with loneliness (for example, me). Refusal of invitations to spend time with the company is often perceived inadequately. For example, as arrogance, even asocial. But you don't have to make excuses that you feel good in your own company. Let them think what they want.

5. Personal beliefs

Sometimes, some people present their personal beliefs as the ultimate truth. Moreover, demanding that they agree with them. If your personal beliefs do not align with these, do not nod in solidarity. Better to object or leave, because simply listening can build up internal resentment or frustration. Do you need it?

6. "No!"

The golden word that many of us, unfortunately, cannot say. Need to study. Don't think that you will offend someone with your refusal. If you do a favor to a person, but through force, fearing to refuse, then you will have internal tension and irritation on this person. Put your priorities ahead of other people's priorities. Don't let yourself be distracted from your goals.

7. Appearance

You should not make excuses and complexes about your appearance. You may not like anything in your body. You can dress whatever you want. For some, your appearance may be strange, but that's their business. Don't let anyone comment on you about your appearance. How to look is your own business.

8. Kitchen

We all have our own eating habits, and that's okay. I have met several people in my life who do not hesitate to "fukale" during the whole process of eating. You see, they didn't like this or that product. But this is a matter of tact. You don't have to make excuses that you love a particular product or that it is useful.

9. Sexual life

There are many people who like to delve into someone else's underwear. Often, you cannot achieve reciprocity with these people in such matters, well, you don’t need to. Who you sleep with or just spend time with is your own business. Moreover, whether you are married or use casual relationships, no one should bother either.

10. Personal choice

What's more important: personal life or career? This is an extremely difficult choice and can cost you a lot of nerves. However, you yourself weigh everything in the scales, you yourself make a choice and you yourself are responsible for it. And you don't have to explain to anyone why you did it that way and not otherwise. Do not be afraid of judgments, the main thing is your confidence in the right choice.

11. Social views

Whether religious, political or otherwise. There is a considerable proportion of people who consider only their views to be exceptionally correct. As usual, they impose these views on others. Perhaps this is the most painful issue, since there are big problems in the world over the religious and political watershed. What's the point in arguing over whose faith is cooler? It's up to you, which god to pray to, in every sense.

12. Loneliness

Alas, in our society, lonely people are treated ambiguously. If you are not married (not married), then you have big problems. As if in families where there is not the slightest harmony, there are no problems. Your freedom is your choice that does not concern anyone.

13. Requests for a date

Surely, in your environment there are a lot of matchmakers who do not feed with honey, but let your neighbor marry. Moreover, usually such people have little order in their families. According to my observations, this does not end well. If you are unsympathetic to the person who is being imposed on you, refuse to meet.

14. Decision on marriage

Any: either about the conclusion of marriage, or the rejection of it. No matter how you are pushed by your relatives, motivating you with the desire to nurse your grandchildren or nephews, do not get fooled by provocations. Remember that it's up to you to live with your other half. And if you choose a life free from marriage bonds, your family will have to come to terms with it.

15. Choosing a relationship

We make mistakes when we enter into romantic relationships, but we are responsible for them and we learn from them. Often friends or relatives will unceremoniously intermeddle in a relationship between two people, saying that you, for example, are not a couple, that you need someone else. Maybe you need it. But it's up to you to decide. In the end, any relationship, even not a very pleasant one, must have its end.

You shouldn't prove your case to anyone.
About situations related to slander, betrayal, insults ... About situations when they try to make an outcast out of you ...
Never make excuses to anyone if you are clean. Even if you have been accused of something that you are not to blame for. Even when they make a whipping dummy of you ... Even if all your surroundings turned away from you, believing not you ... And even when a person who was so dear to you betrays you ...
Stay strong. In the proceedings, you can only once voice your position and tell how everything really happened ... And then, if you deem it necessary. But you do not need to convince anyone that you are right, even if you are right and pure ... No need to make excuses to those who throw dirt and stones at you ... The weak are justified. And know: the more you make excuses in front of them, the more they become like a pack of dogs and the more you play by their rules, and this is only for them ... For each of your excuses they will find even more lumps of dirt to denigrate you more ... And your every word will be distorted ... This will only weaken you even more ... Silence is not a sign of consent. Sometimes this is the only answer these people deserve ...
Know also that if you choose to make excuses, then the opinion of these people, who threw stones and dirt at you, is important to you. And if their opinion is important to you, then you are striving to win their trust, restoring your "status quo". And this means that in essence you are the same: you belong to the same flock, because you are in the same niche ... You want to stay with them, therefore you are so fighting for this right ... Think about it. To be in this pack or not - the choice is only yours.
For those who are strong in spirit.
Someone said a very correct phrase: "Do not tear off the masks from people - perhaps these are muzzles." Based on this, be wiser ... This does not mean that you allow you to make a fool of yourself, it means that you see everything, you understand, but you pull back and leave them spinning in their own rat-house, only without you. Be higher.
Know that people (also any collective) will cover and defend not the one who knows the truth, not the one who is humiliated, but the one who is more profitable: who brings them money (if we are talking about the work collective), or the one who for some reason they still need them ... In a pack of human jackals, this is normal: these are their social rules. Others will cowardly keep silent: this is also normal, because everyone is shaking only at their own fifth point ...
They say that the truth has two faces. Not…. This is a lie ... The truth is always the same: these are pure facts. And if someone tries to justify himself, or distort these facts, turning the "truth" in the direction he needs, while calling on the public and recruiting supporters, this does not mean that the truth has "two faces", it means that another lie for their own benefit.
Be higher ... Someone said: "If you are betrayed, then you are transferred to a higher level." Most likely, the Universe itself pushes you away from these people, but as you did not realize it, then it happened in such a tough way ... If they do not appreciate you, trampling you as a person, then at least you appreciate, respect, take care of yourself ... Your human dignity ... Think about it ... If you were really clean, and something like this happened: perhaps it is high time for you to break up with this person, or with these people (place, team, etc.).
Don't be afraid to be alone. The one who is in the crowd is in the herd. And their thinking is collective. They, like on crutches, rely on the opinion of the majority, looking back at each other, because the worst thing for them is to become unwanted ... They are in the system ... They have long ago pledged themselves into the slavery of their own stupidity, cowardice, pettiness and pettiness ... They only understand that what is beneficial for them ... Which is very convenient for any manipulator. And their path leads to a place where only a herd can walk.
If you are a loner - you have a chance to get where no one else has been…. Walk where no one went ... You make your own trail .... It is possible that then someone will follow you ... But you walked alone ... Let them laugh at you, making a fool of you, let them turn away from you, slander you, no one believed you ... Let ... But you were not afraid ... In this world price tags you have your values. And you are true to them because you are true to yourself. And this is worth a lot ... Because in fact it is priceless ...
If there is no one nearby who believes you, who understands, would support you - do not despair ... Do not look for supporters among the weak, also among those who will just go over to the opposite side ... These people are shaking behind their backs ... Leave them. Stay alone ...
Know: your man will not pass you by ...
Building coalitions, recruiting allies using your distorted truth is the lot of vile people. If you are faced with such a situation when she is against you - hold on. There will always be people envious of you in some way, trying to denigrate you, slandering you with honest eyes…. Know one thing: it's their filth. Not yours. A diamond smeared with mud remains a diamond forever ... Just take a shower ... But shiny surrogates fade over time, because it is a fake ... Cheapest from the world of jewelry. This is an analogy for the human world ...
“Do not accept any negative until you accept it - it belongs to the one who brought it” - Buddha.

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Don't make excuses, it weakens you

We can all be wrong. Making mistakes. Doing stupid things. We offend. We make mistakes.

But you have to understand the first time. Since doing it, then it’s right. Be smart. Be aware of the interests of others. Measure seven times and cut once.

Does not work. If, of course, you are a living person.

How to behave when you made a mistake? Admit your mistake. Apologize. To live on.

It's simple.

Who is our "bad guy"?

In everyday life, another strategy is widespread: to dodge for a long time, to admit your mistake with a creak, to apologize through clenched teeth, to make excuses for a long, long time, in the end - to make everyone around you guilty, but not yourself.

The lower a person's self-esteem, the with great passion with more persistence, he implements this strategy. And why? Because he believes that if you choose the right excuses, then he will be "not at all to blame." Because he thinks that a good person is never wrong. And he really wants to be a good person.

The easiest way to be “good” is to find the bad one in time - the one who prevents him from manifesting his true, spotless, unblemished ideal essence.

Who are our "bad guys" today? My wife does not understand me, the bosses humiliate me, the children do not obey, the husband does not love, the parents get it out, the transport is late, the alarm clock breaks, the doctors do not treat, the neighbors are noisy, the gasoline runs out, the health deteriorates. Do not misunderstand me, I am not to blame.

Don't make excuses

“I’m late, sorry, I just went to bed late yesterday, there was a lot of work, several business calls in the morning, you know what an emergency we have now, everything is as always at the last minute, is it really possible to do something on time - eternal rush…"

"I'm late, please excuse me."

Did you notice the difference?

You are not wrong - you are learning and that is your strength.

This strategy of dealing with failure will allow you to psychologically complete the event:

You will draw conclusions and take them into account in the future, without exhausting yourself with fruitless feelings of guilt.

It will strengthen your personality - because by admitting your guilt, rather than blaming others, you act like a good person.

This will strengthen your self-esteem - because you only recognize your specific actions as wrong, but not your whole existence.

Recipe

Try to think about how many times a day you make excuses to your husband, to your girlfriend, to your parents, and to yourself. A couple hundred times, no less.

Do I need to do this? After all, we make excuses even when we are given a compliment about how good we look. "Oh, yes, you. It can't be. And in general, I didn't get enough sleep today. I feel bad." What a nightmare!

Remember that a woman should not make excuses to anyone at all. As the common proverb says, a woman should be beautiful, happy, loved. And she owes nothing to anyone else. Therefore, never make excuses to anyone.

And another proverb says that they wipe their feet about the one who creeps. Don't want everyone who needs it to wipe their feet about you? Then stand up to your full height, assume a royal posture.

Observe those people who constantly apologize. They have a haunted look, a hunched back. And very soon the time will come when it will become impossible to get rid of such a state.

Our women are used to a constant sense of inferiority. They blame themselves for not being considerate enough wives, good mothers, bad housewives, and inferior workers. They allow the boss, husband, lover to swagger over themselves.

If her cutlets are burnt, it's a tragedy. What will the husband say? I’ll have to eat all the cutlets myself, and the husband will have to fry again.

But if a woman has the makings of a queen, and not a cook, she will not feel at all guilty.

So what? She was doing makeup at this time and was not going to give it up because of the unfortunate few cutlets. And in general, it is high time for her faithful to take her to a restaurant.

Tell me, do you feel guilty if your salary is higher than that of your husband or lover? At the same time, you are obliged to feed him and his relatives, give them expensive gifts, especially if they take them for granted?

You feel guilty if on your day off you did not get up early to clean the apartment or take a walk with the dog, but decided to get a good night's sleep, until twelve. After all, you are a woman, which means you must look good. But for this you need to sleep well.

If you want to look good and spend a lot of time in the gym, you have a great figure. You feel guilty in front of a friend who has swollen with fat in response to her complaints that she cannot eat anything sweet.

If you are tired of the man of your life and you decide to part with him, you also apologize to him, what happened? After all, it is his fault that he walks around the apartment unshaven, does not give you gifts for your birthday, and generally completely forgot that any woman requires attention to herself.

If you are driving and obey the rules of the road, and a man standing in a traffic jam behind you beeps deafeningly, how do you feel at the same time? It is understandable how: "again the woman is driving!" Well, let him wait, in a hurry to the wrong world.

You guiltily ask your man to help you with household chores and hear in response that washing dishes is not a man's business at all. Is it a man's job to go to work, earn money, or even raise money? Is this what women should do? Well then, it's better to cook lunch in turn.

Of course, in some cases you can and should apologize. For example, if you accidentally step on someone's foot or are late for a meeting (but not a date).

But a woman should never make excuses, even in front of her superiors, if she is late for work. Nobody cares about your excuses. They are only needed to put you in your place once again. So instead of making excuses, you just apologize politely and with dignity. And that's enough with him.

Or imagine the situation when you get home at half past midnight. The husband, of course, runs in a rage around the apartment.

In no case explain to him that you stayed with a friend. Just mysteriously keep silent in response to a formidable question. And if he insists, remind him of his absences. And that's all. The conversation is over.

And never make excuses.