Dale Carnegie. Tips That Will Help You Win People. Dale Carnegie's Most Powerful Advice

Dale Carnegie's advice

Six ways to win people over

1. Manifest sincere interest to other people.
2. Smile! After all, this the simplest way make a favorable first impression.
3. Remember that for a person, the sound of his name is the sweetest and most important sound of human speech.
4. Be a good listener. Encouraging others to tell you about themselves is the easiest way to become a good communicator.
5. Conduct a conversation in the circle of interests of your interlocutor.
6. Make people feel important and do it sincerely.

Twelve ways to persuade people to your point of view

1. The only way to achieve the best result in an argument is to avoid the argument. You can't win by arguing.
2. Show respect for the opinions of others, never tell a person that he is wrong. (A sure way to make enemies and how to avoid it).
3. If you are wrong, admit it immediately and frankly.
4. Showing your friendly attitude first is the surest way to the human mind.
5. Let your interlocutor be forced to answer you “yes, yes” from the very beginning. (The Secret of Socrates).
6. Try to make your interlocutor talk more than you.
7. Make your interlocutor feel that the idea belongs to him. This will help you achieve cooperation.
8. Honestly try to take the other person's point of view. (Put yourself in his place in a given situation).
9. Show empathy for other people's thoughts and desires. This is what everyone wants
10. Appeal to noble motives! This is a call that resonates with everyone.
11. Make your ideas visual, stage them. Cinema does this, radio does this. Why don't you do this?
12. When nothing else works, try this. Challenge!

Nine Ways to Change a Person Without Offending Him or Causing Resentment

1. If you must point out a person's mistake, start with praise and sincere recognition of the person's merits.
2. When calling people's attention to their mistakes, do it indirectly. (Criticize without causing hatred).
3. Before criticizing another, talk about your own mistakes.
4. Ask questions instead of giving orders, because... no one likes a commanding tone.
5. Give the person the opportunity to save his face.
You can fire a subordinate, for example, like this:
[… Mr. Smith, you did a great job. When we sent you to Newark, you were given a task. You rose to the occasion and returned with flying colors, and we want you to know that the company is proud of you. You know your stuff and you will achieve great things no matter where you work. Our company believes in you and wants you not to forget it. …]
6. Praise a person for every success, even the most modest, and at the same time be “sincere in your recognition and generous in your praise.”
7. Create a good name for a person so that he begins to live in accordance with it. ()
8. Use encouragement more widely. Let the person understand that his shortcoming is easy to correct, and the business you want to captivate him with is interesting and completing it will not be particularly difficult.
9. Make it enjoyable to do what you want.
Prepared by: Kazhanov V.

Literature:
Carnegie Dale. How to win friends and influence people /
lane from English F.P. Krasavina. - Kyiv: Nauk. Dumka, 1991. - 224 p.

A wise psychologist, a talented teacher, a writer from God and simply one of the most brilliant people of his generation, Dale Carnegie wrote his name in golden letters in the history of all mankind. He actually and completely sincerely believed that in principle there are no bad people, but only bad circumstances. At the same time, he added that the problems that arise every day on a person’s path should be looked at from a different angle, and then a miracle will happen - all negative moments will immediately turn into positive ones.

Knowing these rather simple truths, he suddenly turns from a being muffled by everyday life, overwhelmed by circumstances, into a positive and happy person, and stops spoiling the mood of himself and the people around him. Carnegie's advice is very effective; it is based on the theory of conflict-free coexistence, when communication brings only pleasure, and your life becomes happier and happier. Here are these tips, apply them in life and live joyfully:

1. For any person, the sweetest and most pleasant sound is his given name, so if you want to win over your interlocutor, always address him by name.

2. Life is structured in such a way that there are a lot of troubles, anxieties and various problems, they can be expressed by the word LEMON. So, if you want to be happy, learn how to make lemonade out of them.

3. If you have enemies, do not be afraid of them; you only need to be afraid of false friends.

4. You need to understand only one thing - people are absolutely indifferent to you, since they are busy only with themselves around the clock.

5. If you are able to understand the point of view of your interlocutor and look at things through his eyes, then you will become invincible and everything will be under your control.

6. To achieve success in life you don’t need much, you just need to be busy with something all the time. Idleness is the road to nowhere.

7. Never criticize anyone or complain about your life, these actions only increase your own problems.

8. Always smile, even if you don’t want to, even if it’s forced. A smile and laughter are the personifications of happiness and good luck; they will attract joy and light into your life.

9. If a person has just decided to change his life for the better, then he has already achieved 50% of success.

10.Special advice to women: never judge your husband, because he is an ordinary person and, like everyone else, he is prone to making mistakes. If he always made the right decisions, then at least he would be a saint and... it’s unlikely that he would marry you.

11..In the world of people, there is only one way to earn the love of another person - to give him your own love, without demanding anything in return.

12..A wise person differs from a fool only in that he lives every day as a new life.

13..Do not think or worry much about the future, it has not yet arrived, also do not live in the past, it has already passed. Live in the present, be happy ordinary things today, right now.

14..Never be afraid of anything, do not become a slave to fear. Fear doesn't really exist anywhere, it only exists in your head.

15. And finally. Learn to act as if you are the most happy man in the world. After some time, you will be surprised to realize that you have become much happier than you were before.

Look around and look at successful people. They all probably have certain qualities that make them stand out from the rest.

We'll tell you how Dale Carnegie will help you stand out from the rest - Dale Carnegie identifies and develops untapped potential in people.

“The person who is ahead of everyone is, as a rule, the person who has the willingness to do, and is courageous enough to do it,” - .

Perhaps you have untapped potential. Even if you're pretty good at what you do, you probably know that you could do even better. Either you manage people or human resources, and you see employees who need a little “push” to move from “good” to “outstanding” performance.

Human potential is limitless. Our brain is not a computer and its hard drive will never fill up. You can constantly expand your limits and capabilities, reach new heights and gain new knowledge. To do this:

Focus on the present

Many people live in the past. They spend their days regretting things they could have done and didn't do. Also, many people like to brag about the opportunities they had but were too busy to take advantage of. Or they simply acted like “noble people” and abandoned the idea, because “money is the root of all atrocities.” However, the past is the past, and no matter how much time we spend thinking about it, nothing will change. Your potential decreases if you torment yourself with past experiences.

When faced with a problem, you may start to torment yourself with the question “How could this happen?”, but it will not help you find a solution. Better ask yourself: “How can I fix everything?” Learn from your past, live in the present and think about the future if you don't want to lose your precious time for nothing.

Don't get hung up on minor problems

Sometimes a rude word said by a stranger on the street can ruin your mood for the rest of the day. If you are confident in yourself, then do not pay attention to such a trifle. However, it happens that it affects your self-esteem so much that your human potential is significantly reduced. To avoid this, ask yourself: “Will this matter to me in a year?” If not, is it worth wasting your energy and potential on such a trifle and ruining your mood? Focus your potential on things that will matter to you in the future.

Don't blame others for everything

The best way to justify your failure is to blame others for it! You can blame the government for the lack of good jobs, the boss for a low salary, the world around for unfulfilled dreams. But remember that the degree to which your goals are realized directly depends on the degree of responsibility that you agree to take on. Although human potential is unlimited in possibilities, this does not mean that people use their human potential.

When you blame someone for your failures, you are abdicating responsibility for your life and allowing others to control it. If you agree to become one hundred percent master of your destiny, you will achieve everything you planned.

Don't complain

Each of us has complained at least once in our lives; this is common to all people. But if a person complains constantly, he turns into a magnet for negativity. The Universe returns to us all the signals that we send to it, so if negative energy comes from you, it will definitely return to you again and again. If you are unhappy with your fate, instead of slandering it, try to change it.

Don't be afraid of big goals

The problem with many people is that due to lack of self-confidence, they choose simpler goals. Don't be afraid to fail. Remember, he who does not take risks does not drink champagne. You have enough strength and opportunity to achieve whatever you want, don't settle for less. Human potential moves a person towards a goal if a person realizes his potential.

Don't hide from problems

Any of our negative emotions is a time bomb that will explode sooner or later. So if something is bothering you, address it right now. Don't hide from problems, but solve them.

“How to communicate correctly”? This is not an idle question. Where to start here? When you start getting acquainted with something new, the best option is to turn to the time-tested “classics” of the genre. Do you need an expert in your business? Then get acquainted with creativity Dale Carnegie! We have collected Carnegie's best thoughts on the topic of “communication” in this article.

Dale Carnegie, photo

Biography

D. Carnegie was born in 1888 in Missouri (USA). The son of a poor farmer showed an interest in learning from a young age. As Dale grew older, he became more and more involved in public speaking. He spoke at the college debating club - and his admiring fellow students began asking him to teach them to speak just like him.

But talent is one thing (we are all talented, aren’t we?), and the harsh truth of life is another. For some reason, the surrounding farmers did not want to learn public speaking skills, and Dale took on the job of “whatever he found.” He was a salesman, a delivery boy... even an actor! In 1912, Carnegie ventured to open another public speaking school, this time in New York. Surprisingly (then such things were new), things worked out - people flocked to Dale.

He quickly realized that people not only want to speak beautifully, but also to get along with their neighbors. Carnegie began writing books on the topic of relationships - and again hit the nail on the head. “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” “How to Build Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public”—these and other books made Dale Carnegie one of the most popular people in America in the 1930s. X. 80 years have passed since then, but Carnegie’s advice has not become less relevant.

Rule #1: Don't criticize

Russia is often—and deservedly—called the “country of Soviets.” In fact, your interlocutor always knows what, how, where and with whom you should do. He, of course, wants to help, but... “Criticizing is a sure way to make enemies,” writes Dale Carnegie. Do you want to be alone? Criticize. You are not a champion of justice, but a victim of inability to behave.

“Criticism is useless, because it puts a person in a defensive position and encourages him to look for an excuse for himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious sense of self-justification, attacks his sense of self-worth, and arouses in him a feeling of resentment and indignation.”

Because of criticism, talented people quit creating, because of criticism they die... Moreover, no one knows exactly how a person will react to criticism. Is it worth it?

How to refrain from criticism?

Just take a break, don’t blurt out what’s on your heart. Take a deep breath, hold your breath, exhale slowly, count to 10 and only then continue the conversation. You will be surprised that you can completely do without another barb.

Is it a “I can’t be silent” situation? Point out the mistake gently, correctly, without pressure. Not directly (“How sick of your smoking I am”), but indirectly (tell a story about how smokers get sick). The main rule of constructive criticism is - do not criticize a person as an individual, talk only about his work and behavior. “You’re a lousy worker” is wrong. “Here you are a little mistaken” - correct. And immediately explain how you can correct the situation.

Rule No. 2 Sincerely admire people - and you will win

You will very quickly win the favor of someone you sincerely admire! Sincerely, people often misunderstand this advice, flatter and fawn. According to Carnegie, this rule is the most important.

How to achieve this? Remember, or better yet, write down:

“Everyone deserves admiration, including you.”

Love yourself - and it will not be difficult for you to recognize the importance of any other person. And if so, then hostility will be replaced by friendliness, antipathy - by sympathy. A person who sincerely admires people receives something intangible, but very valuable - a wonderful feeling of good done for his neighbor. This will not soon be forgotten.

History "on the topic":

One of the Carnegie course students went with his wife to visit her relatives. His wife left him to talk with her elderly aunt, while she went off somewhere with other, younger relatives. Left alone with the old lady, the guest decided to put into practice what he had recently learned and began to look for something to admire. Looking around, he said that he was delighted with his aunt’s house, so bright and spacious, the likes of which had not been built for a long time. Touched, the aunt said that she and her husband designed this house themselves, that it was exactly what they dreamed of, and that love itself built it. Having shown the guest the whole house (he never ceased to admire), the hostess brought him to the garage and said that she wanted to give him almost new car, which my husband bought shortly before his death. The guest began to refuse, offering to give the car to closer relatives or sell it, but she didn’t want to hear about it, saying that she would give this car only to him - a person who can appreciate beautiful things. For her, the drop of kindness and attention that this almost stranger gave her turned out to be priceless, and thanks to this he instantly became dearer and closer than her blood relatives.

Remember the great truth: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do you want admiration? Admire yourself! And in return you will receive even more than you expected.

Rule #3 - Show interest in people!

Modern society raises egoists. Me, me, me, me! Everyone wants attention, but few are willing to show this attention. Watch yourself. How do you communicate with people? Do you notice what they are wearing, what hairstyle they have, what facial expression, what mood? No? You probably think more about yourself - what impression you will make on your interlocutor. Your communication is like a broken phone. A wall of misunderstanding grows between you and your interlocutor - everyone talks about their own things, neither one nor the other listens to each other. This is the appearance of communication.

But it’s so easy to change it! Show sincere interest and you will receive the same in return. Just don’t forget to tell yourself every morning in front of the mirror - I am a worthy, interesting person!

Carnegie told the story of magician Howard Thurston. He was successful in his craft because he did not mistake the audience for “village cattle”, but was grateful to them for coming to see him. Before each appearance on stage, he says to himself: “I love my audience.”

Be friendly, listen carefully to your interlocutor, call him by name, know when his birthday is (and don’t forget to congratulate him), talk about what interests him, fulfill small requests - and people will be drawn to you! The wife of Theodore Roosevelt's valet recalled that she once said in the presence of the president that she did not know what a partridge looked like. Roosevelt described to her in detail appearance birds. That same day, the phone rang in her cottage: the head of the country called her to say: ma’am, a partridge is just walking under your window! Well, isn't it great?

Rule #4 - Give people what they want

How do you act when you want to get something from another person? Often we start talking about why we want it and how important it is to us. The logic “if I want it, you owe me!” works. Don't you do that? Come on. Remember the child who doesn’t want to eat your (really excellent) semolina porridge.

How to feed a child “correctly”? Come from the other side - find out what he wants! Maybe he wants to become strong and punch the main bully in the class? Doesn’t your little princess want to quickly become an adult beauty? So tell your child that porridge will help him with this :). Does your son smoke? Explain to him that the “smokers” do not stay in football, which he loves so much. The principle “if you want, then you must” already works here. Awaken in a person the desire to VOLUNTARILY do what you need - and the job is done.

History from Carnegie. The manager of the venue that Dale rented for his performances notified him by mail that the rent had tripled. 300 percent! Carnegie wrote him a polite, most correct letter. He wrote: I understand that you are at work, and your task is to earn as much money as possible. But my departure will be disadvantageous to you. Will the fees from dances and meetings be able to compensate for the income from Carnegie, whom thousands of people came to listen to?! The manager agreed with Dale's arguments. He did, however, raise the rent, but only by 50 percent.

“Please note,” Carnegie wrote, “I received this discount without saying a word about what I would like, and all the time talking about what the other wants and how he can achieve it.”

If you want to receive something, do not ask, but offer help. It works. The one who can take the place of another person and follows this rule will achieve everything.

Rule #5 - Smile!

People love those who smile. Those who feel happy smile. What does it take to become happy? Dale Carnegie is convinced - absolutely nothing. Start being happy now, without any reason! Don't wait for joyful events - they rarely come to those who are sad all the time. Become a magnet for them! Catch on to the smallest joy in your life (and everyone certainly has them) - and go ahead!

Seven rules of happiness

Let there be “right” thoughts in your head - about peace, courage, health, hope. Life is what our thoughts make it. We are what our thoughts are.
Don't waste time and energy on enemies. The best thing you can do is forget about their existence altogether.
Don't expect gratitude from anyone, don't be upset by ingratitude. Don't be like such people - you are above this!
Count your blessings, not your misfortunes. Carnegie tells a story about a man who... was always worried. Even for the most insignificant reasons. But one day he met a disabled man without both legs, who smiled broadly at him and said: “ Good morning, sir. It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?" The man felt ashamed. After all, he... he has two whole legs! After this incident, he wrote on the bathroom mirror: “I was upset about the lack of boots until I met a man without legs.” Be happy with what you have, dear reader.
Don't imitate others - be yourself. People try to imitate others - and suffer from neuroses and complexes all their lives. You are unique, you have a lot of advantages. And yes - all other roles are already taken :).
If you get a lemon, make lemonade. Even failure can be turned into success. Not enough money? You will be forced to get a profession, become a real pro and come to great success. Carnegie knew a farmer who raised rattlesnakes on a barren plot of land, whose venom and skins were very expensive. Change minus to plus!
Instead of worrying about your own problems, start giving joy to people! Start every day by thinking about who and what you can please today. Damn nice and exciting thing, let me tell you!

One phrase that will change your destiny

Just eight words.

“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”

Think about good things and you will notice how joyful thoughts attract joyful events.

And yes - don’t beat yourself up! This cannot be done even as a joke. If you think badly about yourself, do 10 squats.

Always smile before starting a conversation. This way you will get a tremendous advantage - you will win the person over, help him relieve tension, and become more open in communication. A smile helps in work too!

Rule #6 - Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes

“Three quarters of the people you meet tomorrow want sympathy. Show it and they will love you." Quite a quote about our life, isn’t it?

Do you want to get something from your interlocutor that he does not agree to? There is only one way to influence a person. Put yourself in his place, understand why he thinks this way - and only then look for common ground. An aggressive, angry person can behave this way because deep down in his soul he is afraid of being humiliated and rejected. Therefore, he sees hostility even where there is none. A person who commits a dirty trick may simply not imagine the consequences of the offense. Sometimes people simply lack human touch and empathy.

Once you understand the reason, you will understand how you can help. Help is not always needed—sympathy is usually enough. By giving this to your interlocutor, you will win him forever. Develop empathy - the ability to temporarily step away from yourself and understand the feelings of another. Without value judgments - just with a desire to understand his situation. The first and most important rule in working to develop empathy is to value and respect yourself. A self-respecting person is capable of empathy.

Example from Dale Carnegie. At the beginning of his career, he had a conflict with boys who burned bonfires in the park (and, of course, this was not allowed). For disobedience, Dale threatened the children with prison! “They obeyed, but they did it gloomily and with a sense of resentment.” And as soon as Carnegie left, they started burning again - this time out of spite. After some time, he realized that he had made a mistake. The approach has changed. Once, finding children doing the same thing, Carnegie said the following:

“Hi guys! Having a good time? What are you cooking for dinner? When I was a boy, I really loved to make fires, and I still do, but you know, here in the park it is very dangerous. I know you won't do any harm, but the other guys aren't so careful. They will come here, see that you are making a fire, they will light it themselves and will not put it out before leaving. The fire will spread through the dry leaves and burn the trees. If you are not careful, all the trees may die. And you can be sent to prison for lighting fires. But I’m not going to command here and interfere with your games... But please, right now, rake the leaves from the fire and cover them with earth. Will you do this? Next time you want to play, maybe it would be better to build a fire over the hill in the sand? It's completely safe there... Thanks, guys. I hope you have a good time."

Do you feel it? Now Carnegie did not offend the children, but took into account their point of view and showed respect for it. There was no “commanding tone”, children’s pride was not hurt, and nothing prevented the children from following Carnegie’s advice.

With this rule, Dale was able to get out of an awkward situation. Speaking on the radio, he confused the place of residence of a famous writer. She lived in Massachusetts, and he blurted out “New Hampshire.” 80 years ago, readers were just as mischievous as they are today—an elderly lady in Massachusetts sent an angry letter that sent Carnegie into a rage. Today there is the Internet and comments, then there was a telephone - but Dale did not answer immediately and tell everything he thought about the lady. A couple of weeks later, he decided to call her and... thank her for the letter. He further apologized for the mistake he had made and once again expressed gratitude that the lady had taken the time to write to him. The woman was embarrassed and began to apologize for being wrong and losing her temper. In the end, she said that she was ashamed of her letter. They parted as friends. Again, in our lives it is very easy to imagine a similar scenario - and do the right thing.

Rule #7 - Admit your mistakes

“When we feel that they are going to give us a good thrashing, isn’t it better to get ahead of the accuser and do it ourselves? Isn’t it easier to endure self-criticism than to listen to reproaches from other people’s lips?”

Agree with the criticism! Do this calmly, without unnecessary emotions, without self-flagellation and self-humiliation. Your opponent will simply have nothing to say! He clearly does not expect such a reaction to his words, and the swearing will subside as soon as it begins. You are not guilty of anything, but you are accused? Just play this game. “Yes, yes, I agree with everything” (although in fact you are, as they say, “violet”). “Are you blind, or what? “Yes, I can’t see well.” Don’t bother yourself with thoughts like “this is wrong” - when attacked, you need to fight back, and this is simply a very effective way.

This is necessary (and worth) to learn. “Automatically” we always try to say something nasty in response, to “prick” the offender. Just take a break, take a deep breath, give yourself 2 seconds - and calmly admit the mistake. Believe me, it won't get worse for you. And don’t forget that some people just really want to provoke you and revel in your irritation (“trolling”, energy vampirism, etc.).

Carnegie loved to walk his little dog, Rex, in (probably the same) park without a leash or muzzle. Well, what can such a creature do to a person? But the policeman who worked in the park didn’t like it. He warned Carnegie that he would fine him in the future or even go to court if Dale did not walk the dog properly. At first he did just that, but then, of course, he “scored” - and, of course, he got caught. Seeing the servant of the law, Carnegie spoke first. He said that he was aware of his guilt and was ready to bear any punishment. The servant of the law liked this approach and replied something like “oh well, such a dog really won’t harm anyone.” Carnegie insisted - after all, he broke the law. “Nothing, nothing.” “What if she kills the squirrel?!” Carnegie cried. “In my opinion, you took the matter too seriously,” the policeman smiled.

Do you sense Carnegie's strategy? He said everything that a police officer could say for him. And he was released in peace. Many people have a developed sense of contradiction. If you defend yourself, they will peck you. If you criticize yourself, they will protect you (from yourself) and praise you. So simple, so useful law!

How to learn not to be upset by criticism?

It's a shame when they say bad things about you. But you don’t have to be offended by negativity addressed to you! How?

Unfair criticism is a hidden compliment. You have already achieved something, and, as an option, a) they envy you b) they want to assert themselves at your expense. If you are scolded, it means you are worth something.
People will always criticize you. There will always be those who like what you do and those who don’t like it. This is how this world works.
Be self-critical and hold yourself accountable for your mistakes. Don't wait to be criticized - do everything right. Carnegie told his students about a soap salesman. His product was good, his price was good, but his sales were poor. Then he began to visit failed clients and ask them what he had done wrong. He learned a lot of useful things for himself, made friends with people - and in the end, of course, became the president of a large soap company.

Rule #8 - Appeal to nobility and be noble yourself

See the good in a person and he will become your friend. People treat us the same way we treat them. That's life. Try - at least for fun - to convince a person that he is good and noble. Tell the workers who are doing renovations in your apartment that you have heard about them as the best in the city. They will try their best to live up to your words.

A few words about trust. “You can’t trust anyone these days!” This is partly true. Believing blindly is stupid. Make inquiries, check the person. If it passes the “test”, trust it! Man with a large share will probably reciprocate your feelings. If a girl, seeing a hooligan, asks him to take her home to protect her from... hooligans, he will do it! Everyone wants, if not to be good and kind, then at least to play this role.

Rule No. 9 - abandon the commanding tone

Do you like being ordered around? No, and no one likes it. Pressure is an effective, but “disposable” weapon. The child will obey - but will harbor a grudge. The buyer will buy the imposed product - but will not return. The employee will listen to the shout, but will begin to look for another job. People are not things. The mind, heart and soul will always protest against the commanding tone.

Try replacing the order with a question. “Would you like to do this?”, “How do you feel about doing this?” Carnegie suggests the following algorithm:

Think about the action you want to entrust to a colleague, acquaintance or family member. Is he/she ready to do this? Do you have the strength, experience, knowledge?
State the problem in the form of a question. Not “do this”, but “How can we do this?”, “Would you like to participate with me in solving this problem?”
During the work process, give maximum independence - both in business and in assessment. You can advise, but not command or control. Not “Do your best work,” but “How do you evaluate the results of your work?”
Encourage participants - financially (not necessarily with money) or simple gratitude.

Another option is to skillfully lead the person to the thought you want. So that he feels that this thought belongs to himself. Carnegie gives an example from the political career of T. Roosevelt. He needed to install “his man” as governor of New York State. He invited the party leaders to nominate a candidate themselves - but skillfully rejected the proposed candidates until he got the “right one” the fourth time. As a result, the party members felt their importance, and Roosevelt achieved the desired result, and at the same time forced his Republican opponents to support his radical reforms (“quid pro quo”).

Carnegie also wrote about the “method of positive answers,” which today is known as the “rule of three yeses.” And indeed, if a person answers affirmatively to several of your questions, it will be more difficult for him to say an unnecessary “no” to you. Just start with points that your interlocutor will agree with. And don’t forget - you shouldn’t argue, and you shouldn’t speak in an orderly tone.

Rule #10 - Learn to praise and approve of other people

No matter how you look at it, praise is better than criticism. Criticism makes people furious; praise makes them better. Children who were not praised in childhood are prone to depression and neurosis, more often give up halfway and cannot find themselves in life. A 10-year-old boy who worked in a factory in Naples dreamed of becoming a singer. But his first teacher said that the boy is anything but a singer, because a singer needs a voice (at this point a person from the 21st century can smile), but a child can only howl. But his mother, a simple peasant woman, hugged her son and said that he was singing better and better. She didn’t even have shoes - all her money went to singing lessons. But it was worth it - after all, her son’s name was Caruso!

How to learn to praise? Once again Carnegie repeats - from himself. Love, appreciate, praise yourself - and you will not be sorry for pleasant words addressed to your interlocutor. Right now, start praising yourself (for example, for finishing reading Dale Carnegie’s rules of life). Praise yourself for every little thing, for a mere trifle! Go to the mirror and say: “I’m great!” Write down your shortcomings on a piece of paper - and forgive yourself for them, because no one is perfect on this sinful earth. Write down your virtues and praise yourself for being so wonderful. “Talk” to yourself as a child, say that you love him (yourself as a child) very much, and there is no one more loved. If you received little praise as a child, this will help increase your self-esteem.

Self-esteem - tips to improve

Don't compare yourself to others. You are you, they are them.
If you want to succeed in something, but are still at the beginning of your journey, compare yourself not with others, but with yourself yesterday.
Make a list of things you enjoy but don't do. Do you like to play football? Find yourself a team and play for fun once a week!
Reduce to a minimum (or better yet, stop altogether) communication with incorrigible whiners, losers, pessimists and critics.
Don't pay attention to the negative opinions of others. Just tell yourself: these people don't know me. But I am an excellent employee/friend/husband and so on.
Set positive goals: learn something new, do something good for yourself and others, etc.

You cannot change another, but you can help him change with a word. Praise people with clearly low self-esteem! They are vulnerable, they need attention. Emphasize their strengths, close your eyes to their shortcomings - and they will grow wings, and you will find a true friend. Suggestion, criticism, instructions - that’s how people don’t change. They can only be changed for the better with kindness.

How to give compliments correctly

K. should be friendly - without irony or subtext. “You look good” should mean exactly what it means—not that the person doesn’t look good and you’re making fun of them.
Keep a sense of proportion. Grandma still can’t look like a 20-year-old girl. Exaggeration in a compliment is acceptable, but it must be reasonable.
More variety. Praise not only the external merits of your interlocutor, work qualities, but also his fundamental traits - intelligence, character, talent.
Specifics! Not only “You look good,” but also “You have great hair!”
Sincerity. Flattery will do you a disservice. Try to avoid floridness - in this case the compliment will turn out to be a parody.

This is all. What a great fellow you are for reading to the end!!!

P.S. And two more sentences :) In your hands is the magic that allows people to unlock their potential. Please use it right now!

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(A little unexpected, but still).

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Drop duality. Surrender to the inner joy that comes from surrender.

Dale Carnegie understood this world very correctly. We cannot be happy as long as we divide everything that happens into good or bad, into ours and yours, into cold and warm. You need to move away from dualities and perceive everything as it is. Whatever happens in your life, take it for granted, as an experience, as a lesson, as an opportunity to change something, to act differently.

Expectations- another problem that certainly will not make a person happy. Therefore, if you do something, do not expect gratitude or ingratitude. You don’t act in a certain way in order to be praised and told how great you are. Indulge in inner joy and enjoy everything that happens, regardless of the assessment of others.

2. You should never settle scores with your enemies, because in the end this will bring more harm to you than to them.

Although there is such a thing as “blood feud”, and there are people who live by the principle “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”, but is this correct? Believe me, revenge will not make you happy and will not bring joy and peace into your life. Learn to forgive people, learn to understand them and accept all their actions. It’s much easier when you say within yourself: “ Whatever you do, I forgive you. Go in peace».

Of course, for some this may seem ridiculous, saying that if I or my family were offended, then you need to offend in return, take revenge, do as they do to you. Remember that evil begets even greater evil, and your desire for revenge will bring many problems and disappointments into your life. We do many things out of emotion, and only later, when we assess the situation soberly, do we realize how much stupidity we have done. Don't do anything stupid, learn to forgive and be tolerant.

3. Act like General Eisenhower: never think for a minute about people who are unpleasant to you.

There are so many wonderful things in life, so many pleasant and positive things, we just often don’t notice these banal things. Don't focus on problems and the people who create those problems. Do not think about those who are unpleasant to you, about those who bring sorrow and disappointment into your life. After all, the law of attraction says: “What you focus your attention on comes into your life at a particular speed.” If you constantly think about problems, then there will be even more of them. Therefore, bring joy into your life, positive thinking, faith in a bright future. Believe me, life is not so long to waste it thinking about unpleasant things and people.

4. Don't criticize, don't judge, don't complain.

Perhaps the shortest quote from Dale Carnegie, but the deepest in meaning. Many people understand that there is no need to criticize, condemn and complain, but not many people think about why. Let's find out. What are critics is the realization that you are higher and better than man. Who told you this? Your own ego? Well, you don’t need to put yourself above others, because you don’t know all of them life situation, and you can’t criticize a person for the way he is at the moment. The only person you have the right to criticize is yourself. Condemnation also comes from criticism. Who are we to judge other people? We often see grains of sand in the eyes of others, while not noticing the logs in our own. We love to savor and condemn our neighbor’s problems, but at the same time we are unable to notice and understand our own troubles.

Complaints- another negative aspect of our life that you must exclude. Complaining and making yourself a victim will not change anything. As mentioned above, what you concentrate your thoughts on comes into your life. If you constantly think about problems, complain about bad life, then it will be even worse.

5. Remember, your interlocutor may be completely wrong. But he doesn't think so. There is no need to judge him.

Each of us has our own point of view, our own thoughts and vision of certain situations. Let your thoughts not always coincide with the views of your interlocutors. But this is natural. We are all individuals, we all have the right to freedom of worldview. Therefore, if you find yourself in a situation where your friend talks about something with which you do not agree, then it is better to just accept it, accept his point of view. We are not saying that you should change yourself and your vision, you just have to learn to accept other people for who they are. The desire to argue and change them will lead to conflict. Do you need it?

6. Know how to take the position of another person and understand what he needs, not you. The whole world will be with the one who can do this.

Don’t look at the world only from the position of “I” and “I need.” From the pages of fashion magazines, from TV screens, we are told that selfishness is normal, that you need to live for yourself and not notice anyone else, and that’s the only way you can achieve success. But few people compare the concepts of success and happiness. Will you be happy if you don’t have true friends, good acquaintances, if you are valued only for your bank account? One day Steve Jobs said: " Money is not the most important thing. I don't want to be the richest dead man in the cemetery».

Learn to understand other people, see their needs and desires. You should never put yourself higher, think that because you have more money, you have the right to control the lives of other people. Learn to live in harmony with this world and with all people.

7. If a person tries to use you for his own purposes, cross him out from among your acquaintances.

Don't let yourself be manipulated. Yes, you can understand a person, understand his motives, you can even accept such behavior, but this does not mean that you should allow him to use you for selfish purposes. If you see that they are smiling falsely at you and “pouring pink syrups” just for the sake of profit, then try to say goodbye to such a person. Believe me, it’s better to do this right away and separate your life paths rather than end up in a very difficult and unpleasant situation in the future.

8. If fate gives you a lemon, make lemonade out of it.

Very good quote Dale Carnegie, which says that you can find a way out of any situation. Everything that you consider to be problems and failures is actually not such. What makes a situation problematic? That's right, our attitude towards it. Some, when faced with problems, become discouraged, begin to worry and fear that they will not be able to find the right way out. Others, when faced with a similar situation in their lives, think completely differently. They understand that a problem is not a problem at all, but an opportunity to analyze their actions, understand what was done wrong, and realize certain moments and do everything again, only taking into account the experience and knowledge gained.

Someone who receives a lemon may grimace and say, “Ugh, what disgusting,” while someone else will make lemonade and enjoy it on a hot summer day.

9. Stay busy. This is the cheapest medicine on earth - and one of the most effective.

I don’t even know what to add here. In essence, this phrase says it all. Always find something to do: work, write, study, draw, sing, learn, actively look at nature outside the window. When you are busy, then no problems are significant; when you are busy, then all difficulties disappear. The main thing is that this activity brings pleasure, that you really enjoy what you are doing.

10. Act as if you are already happy and you will actually become happier.

Above, we have already emphasized more than once that whatever thoughts dominate your life, that’s how it becomes. If you want to be loved, then feel and give love. If you want to be rich, radiate abundance and never doubt for a moment that you are worthy big money. If you want to be happy, then why wait, feel happiness, joy and harmony within yourself now.

It all starts with a thought in inner awareness. And only when you start thinking correctly, the whole world will adapt to your desires.